


And I Think You're an Angel

by glimpseofbliss



Series: Glimpse of Bliss, A Little Taste of Heaven [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Lydia Martin, Everyone lives, F/F, Verbal Abuse, mentioned Homophobia, minor physical abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-03-31 14:17:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3981214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glimpseofbliss/pseuds/glimpseofbliss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"That's just too bad." Allison croons from the bathroom, turning off the light and stepping into the moonlight. She looks ethereal and if Lydia wasn't doomed to love her before, the way Allison looks now just sealed her fate. </p><p>"That's not fair." She whispers, covering her face with her pillow. She feels the bed dip and tries to move away before Allison presses herself to her back. </p><p>"Too slow, ladybug." She whispers, kissing Lydia's neck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sun's shining warmly into the room, throwing patterns from the curtain on Allison's bare legs. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Lydia's been repeating the mantra all morning, checking Allison's pulse every hour on the hour and readjusting her pillows for maximum comfort. Right now, she's somehow managed to twist herself up in the sheets, her long hair covering her pale and delicate features. She looks older than the last time they were together, but then again they all do. Her phone buzzes and she dreads the fact that she'll have to look away from Allison momentarily to check it.

_Stiles:_

_Is she okay?_

She doesn't want to answer, selfishly wants to keep Allison's status to herself. She shoots him a quick affirmative and throws the phone onto the couch in the corner of the room. When she looks back over to Allison's face, she's met with piercing brown eyes and remnants of a smirk.

"It is darker." Allison whispers, nestling into the pillow and tracing Lydia's features with her eyes. Lydia pouts and picks up a clump of her hair to stare at it, instantly knowing what Allison meant. It was starting to be more on the brown side and seriously freaking her out.

"I know, I guess my mother's genes are starting to kick in. It sucks." Allison smiles fully this time, looking over Lydia's face again.

"You're still just as beautiful with brown hair." And she breaks Lydia's heart again, make her regret ever doubting herself because she seems so languid and genuine. It makes her wish that she would have chosen Allison and she hates when it comes to this, hates that it has come to this and that she can't be stronger and get over it.

"We have to get up and out of here at some point. You left all your clothes in wherever you were in Europe." She walks over to the couch and throws a green dress on the bed next to Allison. She hears Allison mumble something and whips around, tripping onto the bed and catching herself before she face plants into the bed. "What?" She groans, pushing herself off the bed.

"I was outside of Germany." She says clearer, sitting up and letting her nightgown slip low on her chest. Lydia feels her face go hot and her throat constrict, she knows she's as red as a ripened tomato and realizing it only makes her blush harder. "God, I didn't think showing too much skin could offend Lydia Martin but I was wrong." she laughs loudly, dropping back onto the bed and sprawling out.

"Get ready, we have a hair appointment." Lydia mumbles, stumbling out of the bedroom. She closes the door quietly before sliding down it, she's breathless and agitated and angry with herself for letting Allison see her resolve fall apart. She wants to go yell at Stiles, let it all off her chest, but when she bursts in to his room everyone including Derek oddly enough is sleeping. Boyd is watching her from the couch, hiding his smirk behind his fist.

"What's so funny, Mr. West?" She says walking over and throwing herself onto the couch, resting her head in his lap.

"That's not funny, shithead." He rumbles and tickles her neck. "What's wrong?"

"The furry mind reader!" She exclaims, burying her face into his stomach.

"You smell sad, not regular 'I'm ugly' sad."

"I thought I could handle being around her again, I can't do it. Not if I expect to come out of this with an ounce of pride left."

"If it's that bad, remove yourself from the situation."

"I have no self control apparently,"

"Well, if you're going to keep yourself in this situation acting like you aren't still in love with her isn't going to help you. Pretending you could care less had never worked with Allison, she's not as blind as you think she is. Try this, forget that you're angry with her for five minutes and see how easy it is for you to breathe around her. See how much control you'll have over yourself when you just let it go. Stop protecting yourself from people who won't hurt you, especially Allison." He lifts her up so he can properly hug her and she throws her arms around him, letting his speech sink in for a second.

"That was cheesy but thanks. Love you." She mumbles pulling away and feeling foolish for needing so much affection.

"Love you too." He says, grabbing her hand and kissing it. She hugs him one more time, remembering the 4th of July in Florida last year; Stiles barbecuing with Jamie strapped on his back , her and Boyd trying to start a campfire, complaining about Isaac's complaining. When she was still bitter about Allison but didn't have to pretend like she wasn't, because the wound was still fresh. Because she wasn't around.

The walk back to her room is a long one, considering she's taking baby steps, dreading going back and making herself look stupider than she did before.

"Lydia come here." Allison squeaks, poking her head out the door, just as Lydia was passing Scott's room. She has a towel wrapped around her head and another on her lithe figure. Lydia silently prays before sucking it up and marching into the room, face pulled into a taut smirk and hands clasped behind her. Allison's facing the window, the curtain creating swirls on her profile and Lydia hates the fact that this just became her favorite memory.

"Ally?" She whispers after she spends a couple seconds selfishly admiring the curve of Allison's neck and the soft appearance of her skin.

"My hair, Lydia. It's so limp, I look horrible." She trembles, removing the towel and letting thin tendrils of hair fall over her back. It's stringy and dead looking, much worse than Lydia had first thought.

"B-. Al, we can fix it." Lydia murmurs, cautiously stepping towards her and assessing the strands, thinking of ways to make it look better until they got to the salon. "You'l have to get it cut." She notes, letting go of the limp hair but staying close. She hears Allison sniffle and before she can stop herself she has her arms wrapped around Allison's thin waist.

"You said you liked the long hair." Her voice cracks and Lydia hugs her tighter, pressing her head to Allison's damp back.

"I like everything you do," she mumbles and Allison laughs, putting her hands on Lydia's. It wasn't what she was trying to say, but she's glad it came out like that, glad to give Allison back her smile. They stand in the window, letting the sun paint their skin for a while. Lydia tries to convince herself that this isn't the best she's felt in years, but the thought falls flat when Allison laces their fingers together.

"Are you ready to go?" She asks, breaking the silence after what feels like a lifetime. Lydia nods, untwining her arms from around Allison and smoothing out her t shirt. Allison looks over her quickly, smirking privately before she skips to the bathroom.

"What is it? My hair?" Lydia calls after her, fussing with her shorts.

"There was a time when I would've killed to see you in shorts!" Allison yells back from the bathroom, Lydia rolls her eyes and throws herself back on the bed. Allison was humming in the bathroom, off key and loud, while she was banging around in Lydia's makeup bag. She runs back and forth throughout the room, sometimes singing actual words sometimes mumbling an instrumental part. Lydia closes her eyes when she takes off her towel to slip the dress over her head, opening them only when she hears Allison walk back into the bathroom. The green dress flows behind her, making her pale skin look warm and soothing. Lydia had bought her a pair of wedges, because she knew how bad Allison would be wanting to go back to normal, she just didn't expect to enjoy the view so much. When she's finally ready she does a final twirl in front of Lydia, pinning her hair up messily and grinning. Lydia takes back what she said earlier, seeing Allison glowing and smiling like she's never been happier is her new favorite memory. They walk out the room a few minutes later, Allison kissing Boyd on the head and gliding out the house. Lydia stops to watch her leave and knows she looks helplessly in love by the way Boyd laughs at her. She flips him the bird, grabbing her keys off the table and going through the door that leads into the garage. She stands in the garage freaking out silently and tries to compose herself, taking deep breaths and thinking of math problems that would probably make Stiles cry when she slides into the car. By the time she pulls out of the garage, she's more level headed than she's felt all week.

"I thought you died in there." Allison jokes, sliding into the front seat. Lydia waits until she's buckled in before pulling out and speeding up the street. She feels Allison watching her and has to resist the urge to lean over and kiss her, or reach over and grab her hand.

"What?" She dabs at her face self consciously, checking her hand and looking over at Allison. "Is my foundation clotting?" Allison laughs again, reaching over and grabbing Lydia's hand, lacing their fingers and pulling them over to her lap. Lydia's heart flutters and she almost has to stop the car when Allison starts rubbing her thumb over her knuckles. She looks over at Allison and feels a toothache coming on at how sweet she looks.

"I missed you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bi-weekly thursdays!
> 
> flashback i n the beginning

_-_

_Allison bursts through Lydia's door, slamming it shut and dropping her purse on the ground._

 

_"What the fuck are you doin-" Lydia starts, running to the door to check for her parents when Allison grabs her wrist._

 

_"Did you think I wouldn't see that fucking picture, Lydia? You fucking with me right now?" Her face is flushed red and her mouth is pulled in a tight line. Lydia is confused, she wants to touch Allison and calm her down. She hasn't seen her in days, has barely gotten to speak to her with all of her end of the year finals and her coming in here screaming is really not settling right with Lydia. Especially considering the fact that Lydia has no idea what she's even talking about. She leans against the door, raising her brows and crossing her arms. Allison's pacing around the room, eyes darting everywhere like she's searching for something that Lydia could be hiding. She's hunching in on herself, biting her lip and hitting her leg with her hand._

 

_"I don't know what picture you're talking about." Allison rolls her eyes and fixes her with a disbelieving look. "Are you going to speak or should I continue with my homework?" Lydia asks coolly, eyeing the physics textbook she dropped on the floor in her shock. She's already over this argument and wants to cuddle up under Allison and kiss her until her shoulders loosen up, until they get back to themselves._

 

_"Who is he? The guy whose fucking kissing you in this picture?" Allison pulls out her cellphone and pushes it into Lydia's face. On the screen she sees a picture taken in her new high school, her new friends behind her and Jackson, her sometimes boyfriend kissing her in his football uniform. It's recent, taken three days ago at the big game and she can't help but feel butterflies looking at the picture. It's cute and she actually looks happy, she'd actually like to show it to Stiles at some point._

 

_"My boyfriend, Allison." Allison tilts her head and her high bun comes loose, she's squinting her eyes like she doesn't understand a single thing coming out of Lydia's mouth._

 

_"What the fuck do you mean, your boyfriend? Lydia, are you serious right now?" It seems like all the air has left Allison's lungs and she staggers back till she hits the bed and drops down._

 

_"I'm sorry, you know why I'm doing this." Lydia murmurs, walking over and dropping on her knees in front of Allison. She grabs her hands and kisses them, watching Allison's long lashes become dewy with tears. Lydia hates that they have to do this to each other, she hates that they can't be together for stupid reasons like her parents not liking homosexuals. It's not their fucking business but she is their fucking kid so she listens and hopes for a future where her and Allison can actually be her and Allison._

 

_"Do you like him?" She's whispering and Lydia doesn't really have to think of the answer, because she knows she does. But she knows Allison can't handle that right now, she knows Allison is spiraling out of control. Can't get a hold of herself, she wants everything all to herself and Lydia can't give her all and only receive a fraction of her. "I love you."_

 

_"I know, Allison." She wipes the tears from Allison's cheeks and smiles when Allison kisses her hand. It's just them right now, no Jackson, no Isaac, no parents and Lydia feels like she can breathe. Especially when shes drowning in Allison._

_-_

 

 

 "Allison, don't." Lydia breathes, wishing she could melt into the wall Allison has her pressed against. Allison looks beautiful, her wet hair curling on her face and her eyes blown wide and confused. Her lips are parted slightly and the way they're glistening makes Lydia want to fuck it all to hell and go in for the kiss. She has no fucking idea how this happened, one second she's asking Allison if she likes her hair cut the next Allison is pushing her against the wall ready to fuck her brains out.

 

"Why?" She drops her head onto Lydia's shoulder and the contact almost makes her forget why,

 

"Cause you're still vulnerable and you.." Just spent two years in Europe backpacking with Scott after we planned to do that for years? After you had the nerve to tell me that us being together wasn't ever part of my plan when you knew it was all I've ever wanted and that I still feel the burn of you leaving and you being back only makes it more obvious to me that I'm not over it? "Should really be focused on yourself right now, it is Ally time." She smiles softly even though she isn't looking and when Allison's eyes are rimmed red when she pulls away, Lydia tells herself that she went through that alone so Allison should be fucking grateful that Lydia isn't being petty.

 

This thing is going to kill her.

 

She goes to eat dinner with the pack, without Allison but that's not such a foreign feeling anymore. Scott seems to be avoiding her and it makes her heart clench, makes her feel even more alone. So she avoids him too, sits between Derek and Isaac and lets the conversation at the table flow over her as she tries to taste the rice and beans she's mindlessly shoveling into her mouth.

 

"Lydia, when do you go back to work?" Isaac asks, putting his hand on her knee and looking at her like what she had to say was more important than anything going on. She swallows against the lump in her throat and squeezes his hand quickly,

 

"September 1st. After I take the exam, they're expecting me back full time." Derek starts clapping and cheering next to her and she grins, bumping her shoulder into him.

 

"Now I can be that one guy that's always bragging about their lawyer friend."

 

"Is that an excuse for us to buy cake?" Scott asks meekly, she glances over at him and the small smile on his face makes tears spring to her eyes and she starts laughing. She doesn't know when she got so emotional over everything but she's glad, cause it feels good to feel how good it is to have Scott smile at her again.

 

"Let's go get some fucking cake!" She's grinning while scarfing down the rest of her food in her mouth, it's a disgusting thing but she hasn't felt this good in days and eating habits are less than important right now.  Scott leaves the table and Lydia follows behind him to go get her own things. In the room, Allison is laying face first on the bed and Lydia can faintly hear her saying something.

 

"I'm going to the store, are you in need?" She asks touching her ankle lightly, it's a personal feat she pulls away considering how warm Allison felt.

 

"Is it because of Europe?" Lydia cocks her head and Allison's sighs, moving to the edge of the bed. "I thought we all agreed we wouldn't let relationship things get in the way of our friendship." And Lydia could slap her right there, almost does when she looks up at her like Lydia owes her the world. So many things run through Lydia's head at that moment, so many conflicting feelings she distantly wonders if this is how Scott feels doing anything.

 

"Is me sharing a room with you not maintaining the friendship enough for you, Allison? Is me taking care of you not maintaining the friendship, Allison?" She's jiggling her keys on her thigh and Allison keeps perking her lips like she wants to be punched or kissed and Lydia's in the mood to do both.

 

"That's being a good person, but you're not acting like my friend. Not at all."

 

"Wh.. I.. You know what I got to go." She grabs her wallet off the nightstand and slips on her sneakers, striding to the door without looking towards Allison. "You know it _was_ Europe." She says it louder than she intends to but it feels good to be the one slamming the door..

 

"Being petty isn't going to make things better." Scott says, pulling her under his arm.

 

"Feels fucking great though,"

 

"Does it?" He looks at her seriously, like he was expecting more from her and she failed impossibly. It made her feel dirty and silly,

 

"Thanks Scott, you asshole."

 

When they're finally in the car she can tell that Scott has a question to ask that he probably thinks is too rude to ask. It takes three sharp turns and a punch in the arm to get it out of him.

 

"Are you guys back together?"

 

"No, not planning on it either." She says feebly

 

"Why?"

 

"Because Scott... I-... Because I didn't get a goodbye like you did, I didn't get a goodbye at all. I got every feeling I ever had for her disregarded, every word I ever spoke to her thrown back in my face. I didn't get a goodbye, I got a 'You never loved me.' That's why." He gives her a sour look and she thinks hes about to change the subject so she's shocked when he wipes the tears from her face, shocked when he makes her pull over and she's shocked when he pulls her into his lap. 

 

"You have to fix this or let her fix it if she's trying, I never want to see you cry over it again. It hurts you not to have her, so fix this." 

  
"Why is everyone Team Allison?" She jokes into his shirt,   
  
"I'm not, I'm team Lydia all the way. This isn't for Allison it's for you." That hits her in a way she wasn't ready for, it opens her eyes and makes her feel weightless. Fixing it is the only way to fix her, because loving Allison was never really about Allison. Lydia obviously didn't need Allison to love Allison, she didn't have Allison for almost four years. She moaned and grieved and hated and loved over Allison, put all her energy into missing her. Fixing this isn't going to save Allison, it's going to save her. It's going to give her back what she lost, which was everything she put in Allison.  
  
"I love you, Scott."  
  
"I love you too, now get off of me my leg is falling asleep." She slaps his arm and crawls back over to her side, feeling lighter than she did when she started driving.

-

 

They come home an hour later to Allison braiding Jamie's hair and Derek and Ashley playing dominos. Scott drops the cake on the table, ruffling Allison's hair before plopping down on the ground next to Derek. Lydia goes to call Caleb and Isaac in from the yard and starts setting the table. Its easy to lose herself in busy work and she has no idea she spaced out until she feels someone grab her hand,

 

"I thought you were ignoring me at first, but you get this little look on your face when you're ignoring someone like you can't believe they had the nerve to talk to you." Allison doesn't move her hand and for once, Lydia isn't breaking her back to get her to.

 

"I practiced a lot on Stiles. Did you know your accent is a lot more prominent?" Allison laughs, tapping her fingers on Lydia's wrist.

 

"I spent the first year in France, getting in touch with my how you say roots." She puts on a terrible fake accent and Lydia laughs so hard she almost drops the knife in her hand.

 

"That was terrible, especially from a frenchmen like yourself. You've let me down."

 

"Ah oui mademoiselle, I am, how you say, le failure." She leans in closer, accidentally at the same time Scott walks in complaining about the cake. They both jump back like they did something wrong and Lydia stifles a laugh at the flush that seems to be covering both Scott and Allison's face. Allison snatches the cake from her and starts serving it, leaving Lydia to admire her ass from the sink.

 

"It's gross, I'm right here. Gross." Scott snipes in her ear. Lydia just shrugs her shoulders and flips her hair,

 

"I'm just looking at the table, _great_ wood."

 

"Yeah and if you were a guy, Allison's ass would be giving you 'great wood'." Allison turns, raising an eyebrow and Lydia prays for the 30th time today that the walls would swallow her whole. She waves and Scott shoulder bumps her, probably letting her know how awkward she looks. Zyra comes into the kitchen in a white dress that could probably cover Lydia's queen sized bed and smiles at her while Lydia just stares in shock and awe. It never fails to surprise her just how strong Zyra is and she continues to stare open mouthed until Zyra kisses her forehead. She mutters the usual sorry and Zyra congratulates her, running her hands through Lydia's hair like they've friends for years. Funny thing about her and Zyra is they don't really talk, because Zyra doesn't like to speak, she just lets you feel her vibe and lets you be of yourself and Lydia isn't one who is constantly trying to fill the silence. So they stand there for a while in silence, Zyra playing in her hair and Lydia just enjoying the entity that is this woman until Allison comes and slams something into the sink.

 

"Cake is served, if anyone is eating." She hollows her cheeks when Zyra smiles at her and Lydia can tell that she's pissed, holding her back when Zyra walks away with a light hand on her chest. She smacks her lips and glares at her, snatching her hand away and crowding Lydia against the sink. "Look, I get it you're pissed but that is not o-fucking-kay." Her voice goes three octaves deeper and Lydia finds it so sexy that she almost goes weak in the knees.

 

"What isn't o-fucking-kay Allison?" She leans back against the sink and bites her lip, watching Allison follow the movement with her eyes.

 

"Whatever that was with Zyra, all that sexual mess. You can't go flirting and caressing other people wherever, I don't like it." Lydia grabs her face, rubbing her thumb under Allison's eye and silently hating the fact that Allison leans into the hold.

  
"Allison, I am _not_ your girl." Something in the other room clatters and Lydia pushes away to go join everyone at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i survive on feedback
> 
> thank you for reading, i love you


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of explicit content at the end so beware guys
> 
> Flashbacks are ITALICIZED 
> 
> Bi weekly updates on Thursdays

"Allison, it's been three days. Not talking to me is very immature, okay." Lydia whispers in bed, it's been torture for her to have to share the room and have this tension in the air. If she knew she was wrong she would apologize and they'd be done with this, but she wasn't wrong. She isn't Allison's girlfriend, side piece, friends with benefits, nope she's just an ex who wasn't going to tolerate being controlled by people who thought they were in charge of her. Lydia was in charge of all of her own actions and feelings and she wasn't hurting herself to save Allison's feelings. She felt stupid for even trying to justify why she did what she did, she knows she didn't fuck up. "I'm not going to apologize, because I wasn't flirting and I'm not your girlfriend. I'm sorry you feel offended by that." Allison bites her lip and sits up,

  
"I want... I felt very hurt by your actions and I know that you are no longer mine but I want..." She paused and Lydia held her breath, like she was waiting for the drop off on a cliff. "I don't know Lydia. We'll talk tomorrow, I'm tired." Lydia groaned and slid out of bed, grabbing her phone and slipping on pants.

"Fine, take the bed. I know that couch is too small for you, I'll go sleep with Scott or Stiles. Night, love you." She glides out the door, scrolling down her instagram feed completely unbothered until she realizes what she's said and lets out a tiny squeak. She runs towards Scott's room, praying he's decent and throws the door open, letting it slam behind her and jumping into his bed. He stares at her in shock abandoning his phone and groaning when she starts squealing like a little school girl, grabbing his hands and squeezing them.

"If you don't speak, I'm kicking you out." He deadpans, freeing his hands from her death grip.

"I accidentally told her I loved her." They stare at each other until Scott drops his jaw and lets out an extremely loud 'oh my fucking god' "I know she hasn't been talking to me and I got pissed, so I got up to leave and it slipped out." Scott's jaw is still to his chest and he's staring at the pillow next to her and it occurs to her that she should've went to someone else, anyone else who didn't just spend two years waking up to Allison, because she knows how addicting that can be.

"So do you?" He asks and she shakes her head, tapping his knee and pushing him down.

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore, let's talk about anything else." She lays on his chest and he laughs like he's out of breath and goes into a thorough explanation about why Jamie was the smartest person in this house right now.

-

She wakes up with Scott wrapped around her and Jamie trying to climb on the bed with them. Carefully untangling herself from Scott and releasing his hold on her hair, she bends over and pulls her up onto the bed and let's the toddler bury herself in her arms.

"Da said come, he was sad." She mumbles, pulling her head from Lydia's stomach and looking up at her.

"Why was he sad?" She asks, trying to slide out of bed skillfully with Jamie nestled into her.

"Because Ally go bye." She straightens up and almost drops Jamie on the carpet when the news hits her. She adjusts Jamie on her waist and rushes out to the kitchen where Stiles and Isaac were sitting around the table looking pissed,

"What'd you fucking do this time?" Stiles yells jumping out of his seat and she stumbles back, pushing Jamie's head against her shoulder in an attempt to cover her ears. Isaac gets up and pushes Stiles back,

"I hardly think that I had anything to do with her leaving Stiles, check yourself." She's trying not to cry, she knows it's not her fault she's just so tired of Allison running away from her. 

"SO WHY DID SHE LEAVE? YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE MAKING THINGS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HER, YOU'RE FUCKING SELFISH." She was shaking now, letting tears free fall into Jamie's hair. Isaac pushes Stiles so hard he falls into the table, he's growling and Stiles forces himself into his face. "So this is something else that isn't that important to talk about?" Isaac responds by once again pushing Stiles, onto the ground this time.

"Allison is fucking grown, if she let Lydia hurt her feelings it's what she fucking deserves." Isaac's teeth are muffling his speech and Stiles lets out a wordless yell.

"Stiles stop it, I didn't do anything. You should be more concerned about the people who didn't run away as soon as shit really hit the fan." Lydia can't seem to find the strength to yell back, her heart is threatening to cave in with every gulp of air she takes in

"Oh, fuck you Lydia!" Stiles spits out and she tells Jamie to go into her room and close the door and the toddler giggles, thinking they're play fighting and disappears into the room. He gets back on his feet and glares at her like she's the reason his mother's dead or the reason they haven't been able to find Liam for two years, "So what'd you do? You were in Scott's room, did you finally get that pa-"

The slap resounds around the room and stuns Isaac so much he shifts back and steps away from them. Stiles is staring at the ground and holding his slowly reddening cheek, his eyes look glossed over and he's eerily still compared to the hurricane Lydia's become. She's fuming, her chest heaving with the weight of her anger and her face so hot she was starting to sweat. The hand she slapped him with was stinging and laying limp by her side, twitching with the urge to his him again.

"Fuck you, Stiles. I'm not responsible for fucking grown ass women who run every time something gets a little heated. I am also not responsible for the damage done to little boys who like to bring up my past qualms with a person every time an incident happens. Like I said, Check. Your. Self." She goes off into her room grabbing her keys and purse, trying to ignore the fact that the room is made up neatly the way Allison's was the night she left her. Isaac yells for her to stay the whole time but she's ignoring him, repeatedly counting to ten before she goes back and kills Stiles.

_"Why are you leaving?" She's out of breath from running through the airport, her heart in her throat threatening to suffocate her. Allison's wearing her old softball shirt and it takes every ounce of energy in Lydia's body to stop herself from falling in to her arms. She doesn't look at her and Lydia knows she could fix it if Allison would just fucking look at her, just give her a second to formulate a plan. Cause fuck for a genius she was having a really hard time coming up with a plan to get Allison back into her arms._

_"I love you, ladybug." She plants a wet kiss on Lydia's forehead and Lydia's hand shoots out to grab her wrist._

_"So stay, please A-All-. Stay." She mumbles, wincing when the last call for boarding at the Air France gate sounds throughout the airport. A reminder that Lydia couldn't fix the problem, that Allison wasn't staying for her. That'd she'd have to get used to waking up without the sun in her bed, or kisses until they lost their breath, or spontaneous chocolate chip cookies and almond milk. Allison pulls her hand away, bends to grab her bag and finally looks at Lydia for a second, drinking her in like she was drowning._

_"Thank you." She says before boarding the plane, leaving Lydia there a quiet wreck. She can't seem to stop saying 'stay', even after the plane takes off and the bed doesn't sink with Allison's weight._

Lydia knows exactly where Allison went, that pisses her off even more. She should probably slow down, but she presses the peddle closer to the ground and turns recklessly off the highway. She feels fire running through her veins, feels angry for all the shit she just lets her friends put her through. She's angry she spent three years trying to get over someone who doesn't care about her enough to stop running, angry with herself for not being over her and still chasing after her like a lost child. Allison's perfume is lingering in the car and it makes her feel sick to her stomach, makes her feel sick for wanting to smell it on Allison's skin.

_Allison's running her long fingers down her spine, hooking them into her skirt and pulling her flush against her chest. She mouths at the flesh behind her ear, tugging on Lydia's hair lightly enough to just drive her crazy._

_"Did you miss me? Or was Jackson enough for you?" She uses her free hand to slide into Lydia's panties and stops it before she gets to where Lydia needs her, tugging at Lydia's hair and biting lightly at her neck she finally gets the hint that Allison wanted a response. Lydia nods feverishly trying to get more pressure from either direction, knees going weak when Allison finally slides a finger inside of her. "My girl." She mumbles against the fresh bite mark she just left on Lydia's shoulder._

She almost forgets to take the keys out of the car and stomps up the stairs, anger flaring up when she sees the door cracked open. Not only was she stupid but reckless too. Lydia bursts through the door of her apartment so hard the door slams shut and stuns Allison off the couch.

"Get the fuck up, get up! I am so sick of being blamed for your shit!" She screams, slapping Allison's shoulder when she finally stands up

" _I want to be the only person you ever give yourself to." Allison whispers into her neck, they're in the back seat of her car in an abandoned parking lot by Allison's house. Her bra was hanging off the steering wheel and Allison's skirt was hanging off of the passenger seat, other particles of clothing were littered all over the place and Lydia wants to laugh at how reckless they were. Lydia grabs Allison's hands and kisses each finger with a special care she only saves for her, a special care she only finds herself capable in Allison's arms._

_"You'll always have all of me." She murmurs, climbing on top of Allison and kissing her way down chasing away her butterflies._

"What are you talking about?" Allison asks, hysteria edging into her voice and Lydia pushes her again, harder right into the wall.

"I fucking ALWAYS GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR YOU! MY FRIENDSHIPS, MY HAPPINESS, MY SANITY EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND YOU ALWAYS SPIT IT BACK IN MY FACE WHEN YOU RUN FROM ME. WE ARE BIG GIRLS NOW USE YOUR FUCKING WORDS SPEAK, ACT, DO FUCKING SOMETHING JUST STOP RUNNING FROM M-" Allison always knew how shut her up, knew Lydia always melted for her. She gripped her forearms and forced Lydia to the tips of her toes, kissing her so fiercely that Lydia was almost terrified of her. But Lydia was giving as good as she got, forcing Allison further into the wall and slipping a leg between hers. Biting and pulling at her bottom lip, she tugs at the bottom of Allison's shirt almost ripping it off and whimpering when Allison pulls away to pull their shirts off. The moment her shirts off her arms she's pressed up right against Allison, Lydia feels like she's been electrocuted, she feels raw and open running her hands up and down Allison's smooth skin. She moves from her lips to her neck, singing every praise she's ever thought of into Allison's skin and letting her teeth tattoo them there. Every moan and sigh she gets from Allison, goes straight to her brain and by the time she's finished praying over her, her shorts are just about ripped in half and her bra is hanging off her shoulder.

"You're so fucking beautiful." Allison groans, slamming her head against the wall when Lydia curls her tongue over her left nipple. She's running her hands through Lydia's hair, quietly praising her as Lydia kisses her way down her torso.

"Are you sure?" Lydia asks softly, keeping her hands on the waistband of Allison's shorts. She's thrumming with the heat of it all, the taste of Allison on her tongue has her flying. Her hands are trembling and she knows Allison can see how much of a wreck she is right now, she can see exactly how thin Lydia's stretching herself.

"Dear God, yes." Allison cries out, unbuttoning her shorts for Lydia and Lydia finally snaps and loses every ounce of herself in Allison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys
> 
> Feedback / advice is appreciated 
> 
> I was listening to Room 93 by Halsey and that's obvious throughout the chapter lol.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo

Allison wakes up to a rainy day and Lydia wrapped around her waist, hair falling down her bare back. She looks soft and young, like every worry she ever had fell down outside with the rain. 

"God, Can only talk when you aren't actually around or coherent. I spoke to you everyday in Germany. I wish I could explain to you. Tell you why, why I do everything I do. I wish I didn't love you, I wish I could quit you for good cause... You deserve so much more, you deserved Jackson, he was good to you. But I... Can't live without you. I died inside, every fucking morning, every time I woke up and you weren't singing horribly in the kitchen or sleeping too far down on the bed. And I tried so hard to bury myself in Scott, but Jesus Christ every time I closed my eyes I saw you standing in the airport again, surprised and shocked with tears in your eyes. You're the best and the worst thing to have ever happened to me Lydia, I love you a lot more than you love me. That's why I always think I have to leave, because you'll never love me the way I love you. You have all of me and you could crush me in an instant and I would just let you because I'm so weak. I'm just waiting for the day that you get fed up with chasing me, I know my edges are rough. Am I quoting a song? I'm an asshole." She laughs quietly, wiping tears from her eyes and pulls Lydia further up the bed. She doesn't notice the green eyes watching her and gets stunned when she feels light kisses on her neck. 

"When did you become emo?" Lydia murmurs, mouthing at her jaw. She feels the blush spread across her cheeks and laughs loudly, squeezing Lydia's hips and tilting her head back to allow Lydia better access to her neck. She kisses Allison's neck once more before sitting up, letting her long hair fall down her back and over her face. She stares at her, the way she used to when she was trying to figure out what movie they were watching or if Allison was really with Erica after school. 

"What?" She can't stop her hands from touching, rubbing Lydia's back and caressing her face. 

"I want you to stop running from me, stop worrying that I won't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have put myself through this shit for seven years. I'm too selfish." Tears fall onto Allison's arms and Lydia, for once, doesn't rush to wipe them, she keeps her gaze on Allison and her dewy green eyes shifts something in Allison's gut.

"You deserve somebody you can trust, someone who is constant." She mumbles, swiping her thumb under Lydia's eye. 

"I know I do. But I want you anyway and constant is so boring." She stares at Lydia, who's smirking at her and leaving herself open and vulnerable just for Allison. 

"No more running. I swear, no more." Lydia smashes their mouths together, cradling her face and smiling into the kiss the whole time. 

They spend the rest of the day in bed, Lydia kissing every inch of Allison's skin as if she had been dying of thirst for two years and Allison was the only source of nourishment. She muttered things like 'perfect' and 'magical', things that made Allison fall apart so Lydia could put her back together. 

"Are you ok?" She asked once, head poking up from between Allison's legs and her right hand sprawled across her lower stomach. Allison laughed incredulously, tangling her hands into Lydia's hair. 

"It feels like it." Her voice sounds weak and Lydia smiles softly, kissing her inner thighs and resuming her business. 

They only get out of bed for potty breaks and when Stiles' calls Allison's phone again for the thirty-third time, Lydia started keeping count after the tenth time, and answer exasperated and exhausted. 

"Where the fuck are you? We've been worried sick!" Stiles screams, Isaac asking for Lydia in the background. 

"We're home." Allison answers, a hint of amusement in her tone. There's a chorus of groans in the background and Lydia hides her face in Allison's neck to stifle a laugh. 

"Please call us next time, between round 3 and 4 would be ideal." Isaac calls out and Lydia full out laughs, throwing her head back and shaking the bed. Calling Isaac some smart sounding insults that had him gasping. 

"Lydia?" Stiles asks nervously, like he's afraid of backlash or ashamed. Which leaves Allison to wonder what happened before Lydia came over here. "Call me when you aren't busy or pissed off. I-"

"I'm not angry, Stiles." She says calmly, playing in Allison's hair. Allison kisses her shoulder and Lydia grins with a sense of urgency, dropping her hands between Allison's thighs. She leans over to kiss her and ends the call, because apparently she forgot to kiss the upper right corner of her thigh and has to start again. 

"I missed you all through France." Allison whispers later into Lydia's strawberry scented hair. It's been hours since the phone call and Lydia finally exhausted herself on Allison's fingers around 7, body locking up momentarily before she threw her head back in pure bliss and collapsed onto Allison's shoulder. Who could blame Allison for keeping her hand down there for a while, touching Lydia lightly to feel the aftershocks wrack her lithe body. "Someone was wearing your perfume and I stayed in bed for two days." She remembers how angry she was at the elderly woman for daring to smell like Lydia. She was mad at the women on the street for having red hair but not having piercing green eyes that drove Allison crazy or eternally pursed lips. She was angry with the people in the street who would smile at her like they pitied her, how dare they? She had Lydia Martin for five years of her life, she lived more than any of them did. 

"I missed you, it was hard trying to act like I didn't. No matter how hard I tried."

"What do you mean?"

"I dated Stiles' co-worker Kira for almost a year, we broke up because I guess she just knew... I wasn't done with you. She's a great friend though." Lydia said it so calmly but the thought of someone else holding Lydia's waist and being the center of Lydia's attention felt raw and acidic in her gut. 

"Don't tell me that." She gasps, sitting up abruptly and staring at the wall, trying to get the image of someone else kissing Lydia's soft mouth out of her mind. 

"Are you ok?"

"I.. You dated?" She knows she's stupid for getting upset but she can't help it. 

"You were backpacking through Europe with your first love, Allison. You have no right to-."

"He wasn't my fir- you were my first... How could you even think that? How could you even th..." She's stumbling out of bed and breathing too hard, the warm tears sliding down her face the only thing keeping her grounded. "I didn't even, oh my fucking God." 

Lydia didn't understand what she was to Allison, probably thought she was just a convenient fuck. But to Allison, she was every start and every finish, every step taken between the finish line. She was so deeply rooted into Allison's bones, every movement was for her. Every hope and dream Allison's had since freshman year revolved around Lydia, revolved around making Lydia hers then making Lydia happy. She was Allison's first everything, first real best friend, first fuck, first girlfriend, first tutor, first fight. Lydia fit the empty slot in Allison's life so easily, like she belonged there. She fit there so perfectly, Allison forgot how much it burned to feel that empty. Allison tried with Scott, especially after she realized Lydia wasn't chasing her, tried to make herself love him. She tried to find everything she liked about him and wrap it in a bow, pretty enough to present to those who knew the truth. Those who would ask her what she was doing wrapped around that boy when Lydia was in New York City, putting Madison Square Garden to shame with those shimmering eyes. A sort of 'Look at these things! I can like things not Lydia related!'. In the end, he was too quiet when he laughed and didn't smell like strawberries and lemongrass. He didn't randomly sing Taylor Swift songs or complain about how much he actually didn't like her and he didn't try to hit all the high notes in Phantom Of The Opera. In the end he wasn't Lydia Martin and Allison wasn't a good actor, couldn't pretend to love him. 

"I didn't love him." She's breathless from finally admitting it out loud, almost three years of pretending and having it finally out there had her collapsing into the carpet. She inhales deeply, smelling the faint smell of powder and just plain Lydia. God, how did she live without that smell for so long. 

She blindly reaches out to grab Lydia to the ground, wrapping herself around her once Lydia thuds to the ground. She buries her face into her neck and takes a bone rattling breath, pushing her hands up into Lydia's tangled curls to hold her head there. They stay on the ground for a couple minutes, Lydia humming into her hair and Allison taking her fill of Lydia's scent. Lydia starts tapping on Allison's head in time to her song and Allison attempts to focus on the song she's singing. 

"Seriously? All Time Low? Stiles really got to you huh?" Lydia laughs out loud and it sounds wet over Allison's head. 

"It always reminds me of you, no clue why." Her hand stills and Allison buries her head back into Lydia's neck, nibbling at the soft skin there and reveling in the groan that slips from Lydia's lips. 

"Round 12?" She jokes, lightly tugging at Lydia's hair and receiving a shockingly dirty moan in response. 

"Yes, please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I was talking about is Jasey Rae, I know such a cliche. SUE ME. 
> 
> My updating pattern is gonna be kinda wonky till the fall sorry I love you all


	5. Chapter 5

A few days later, Lydia's waking up in Derek's living room, Stiles on the floor and her head in Scott's lap. Allison's sprawled across the both of them and she doesn't understand how they ended up like this. There's rattling in the kitchen and it smells like pancakes, but she's not sure she's ready to leave whatever this is. 

"Lydia, pancakes?" Derek calls from the kitchen, Jamie lets out a shrill yell and the smile on Lydia's face becomes impossibly wide. She slips her hand out from under Allison and gives him a thumbs up. Allison shifts her face into Lydia's neck and plants a kiss right under her jaw, laughing against her skin. 

"How do you think Scott's legs are feeling?" She whispers and Lydia scoffs,

"That's what he gets for forcing himself onto our couch." Allison shakes her head and gets up still smiling, flicking Lydia's nose on her way. She kisses Scott's hand before she runs into the bathroom, leaving Lydia exposed and cold. 

"Get up, come eat." Derek says again and she follows orders, tripping over Stiles in her rush. 

 

Derek's manages to get everyone up and around the table before Lydia finishes eating and it's loud clambering and fighting over the last biscuit, Scott flashing his eyes and Stiles levitating his fork near his throat. Allison takes the biscuit in the end and split it with Jamie and Zyra, snorting when Stiles' fork clammers to the ground. 

Lydia still can't believe she's sitting here, holding her hand under her table. 

 

She volunteers to go grocery shopping with the boys and drags Lydia with her, sitting up front and grinning like she's never been in a car before. Derek talks to her and she answers in smiles and over enthusiastic nods, turning every so often to look at Lydia. 

"Stiles thinks he can speak any language, you should've heard him murder the French language at their parents wedding." Allison says, trying and failing not to laugh. 

"French is not an easy language." He groans, throwing a napkin at her head. 

"Lydia learned in a month." Allison says it like she couldn't be prouder,

"You know French, Lydia?" Derek asks, looking at her in the rear view. 

"Si je disais oui , Stiles serait livide." The car erupts into applause and Allison's approval has Lydia ready to fold herself into twelve pieces. 

 

Allison doesn't let go all day, finding a way to keep her hand on Lydia all day, sometimes going to such extremes that even Derek had to roll his eyes. They drive home with Allison sitting in Lydia's lap, whispering about Paris while Scott and Stiles take turns butchering the Russian language. When they get to Derek's house, Allison throws herself out the car to scoop Jamie out the grass. 

Lydia can feel herself melting. 

She's in bed, listening to Allison sing in the bathroom. It isn't horrible but she never misses a chance to tease her,

"You sound like a wounded rat." She groans, turning over to stare at Allison. Whatever hair she could catch is pinned to the back of her head, the rest dripping from her shower. 

"You love it!" She shouts, a sliver of toothpaste slipping down her chin. 

"Life was so quiet before you were here." 

"That's just too bad." Allison croons from the bathroom, turning off the light and stepping into the moonlight. She looks ethereal and if Lydia wasn't doomed to love her before, the way Allison looks now just sealed her fate. 

"That's not fair." She whispers, covering her face with her pillow. She feels the bed dip and tries to move away before Allison presses herself to her back. 

"Too slow, ladybug." She whispers, kissing Lydia's neck. Lydia turns to face her, nuzzling her face into her shoulder and pulling her closer. She listens to Allison's heartbeat, steady and musical, like her own personal mixtape. She realizes a few things, like the fact that Allison is everything but quiet. She's an impromptu musical at every turn, every laugh, every breath was a song. 

And Lydia never wants to be in silence again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lydia says "If I Did, Stiles would be livid."
> 
> This is the last chapter I know I took forever I'm an awful person I know.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a break off fic from Something To Talk About! It's focused on Allison and Lydia's relationship (duh). 
> 
> It's already part of an AU so it could be kind of confusing if you haven't read the first fic. But if you don't want to read it you don't have to. 
> 
> Updated Bi-Weekly (every 2 weeks) on Thursday's. 
> 
> Title from St. Patrick by PVRIS


End file.
